I should know better by now to never proclaim any good feeling. Never be openly glad or cheerful. Enjoy the moment - forget it, then move along. I am fucking cursed, relegated to the shadows. I’m lost to misery and woe - all else is just a momentary slip. I’m stupid to believe in hope when it has no place in my life. I hate this life, this world and this torment. I’m tired of this constant battle, when I have no interest in victory. Tired of admitting weakness and defeat. Tired of judgemental, clucking tongues knowing nothing of my plight or how it feels. Despair leaves me uglier every day.